It’s been really long since I have written anything ... lately been thinking a lot ... friends will say when the hell was I not thinking :) Today will write about my thoughts about the way I live my life, money and satisfaction in life.
People call me crude and raw, I didn't used to like that some time ago, but now i am happy with being raw ... because I know where needed I can be equally professional ... and I am raw because I don’t like to waste my money. Its been hard earned. I don’t want a lifestyle of branded things or eating out in expensive places. I think that is a waste of money. Now that doesn’t means that I am not fine eating there on regular purpose, its okay to do that once a while but never no a regular basis. Perhaps I can see that because i have been broke in my life and it was me and only me who on himself got over from there. May be that was a phase which changed me and gave me a new direction in my life.
being raw gives me a confidence which very few people posses ... I am never worried about my work, rather than they driving me, I drive them ... yes people do find it uncomfortable of that many times, but I think there is no harm in being like that and what’s great about is that it makes me not afraid of any damm thing, any person ... I guess this is something which only can be felt ...
I am motivated to something only till the time I like doing that ... and I have that discipline in my life that I can literally stop something the day I want it ... I never get addicted, people may feel I am ... but the day I realize I don’t want to do it and than its like the last day ...
People like to know what drives me, I will say its different things at times ... I know I can do a lot many things, but will only do those which I want too ... and people many times find it difficult to understand. I think I have multi-skills and I personally believe that doing something which you like is great ... is ausum ... cause there you get satisfaction ... I guess satisfaction is something which all people want have. Many of my friends think I like to show off ... I would say they are wrong, I want a sea facing penthouse because I want to live in that, I want to feel that fresh breeze every day ... I like to get wet and dance in rains... if its crude so what I will still keep doing that ... cause these are the things which give me lot of satisfaction ... and enjoyment ...one can say "atma trupt hoti hai" meaning the soul gets satisfied....
Yes I like to live my heart ... cause I think that is fun ... and i am happy with that ... I am outspoken ... but I am satisfied with it because it has its own shares of happiness and sadness ... pro's and con's ... I say things which should be told and can be harsh at times ... I don’t like to cause anyone any pain, trouble anyone, scare anyone ... but I like to ensure that in that process they don't end up using me. Yes I do let people use me and I think that's the biggest shortcoming I have ... I am unable to say NO to people even if I really want it and I know people knowingly and unknowingly use that quality of mine.
Yesterday I came across a discussion where a collogue of mine said I check profitability of every day in my life … I never did that but I that is an excellent suggestion because that that will mean that I will be satisfied every day and I think there is nothing better than that
I forgive people but I never forget.... I recon it’s enough for today ... and I am really happy to be raw and crude ... because I think I am raw and crude because I know how to carry myself around well with anyone and I guess after that it doesn’t matters. I am able to build good level of trusts with people and that is only because I never get back from my word and if anyone wants to make me do that ... that is something which I will always regret ... people would be thinking why has this been posted here ... but I am sure not many will be able to understand it cause it been a conversation with myself!!!!!!!!! and a decision has be taken ...
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